Dead on Advice (in my experience)

From Bart to a person who just found out:
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What you're experiencing is the stages of grief.

They don't march in an order as Kubler-Ross suggested, they come all tumbled together. I hear anger, acceptance, occasional denial and some bargaining.

You're right where you need to be and you need to give yourself time to grieve.

You can't make it go away by forcing yourself into action. It is inevitable and probably necessary that you get some distance from your wife as she is beginning to do from you. It doesn't have to be angry distance but you both need to find separate support for yourselves because you can't lean on each other the way you once did.

I know that right now it seems like the end of the world and in a way it is. Much of the structure of your life is being ripped away and that hurts like hell.

There will be a new world for you and it may be a better one. You'll come to see how hard you've been working to be in love with someone who can't love you back the same way and in time you'll see how nice it is to be with someone who can.

But for now take the time to grieve. Try to focus on your needs as much as you have on your wife's. Find support for yourself here, with friends; a counselor of your own can be helpful.

Be good to yourself.

You'll get through this and we are here for you.
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It sure resonates with my experience. I love that he highlighted that "you can't force it away through action" I sure tried that one. With disastrous results.

And, especially "I know that right now it seems like the end of the world and in a way it is. Much of the structure of your life is being ripped away and that hurts like hell."

Man, do I feel that pain. Just like yesterday.

-J